Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When they say: "Wow, you`re really photogenic." What they mean: "Wow, this looks nothing like how ugly you actually are."
It`s pretty cool how vodka always has such `great` ideas.
I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.
I wasn`t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
For the record when I was a kid I never wanted to be an adult.
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I`m afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
dude i wasent tht drunk you were huging a peice of chese saying ill never let u go sponge bob
I wish that some of my coworkers were not allowed in the break room because those are the people I need a break from.
Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry.
Hangovers are nature`s way of grounding you as an adult.
I`m at that "licking peanutbutter off a spoon" time to go grocery shopping point....
Trouble is just fun you got caught having.