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I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.
Coffee...Meet your Maker!
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
I don`t know why friends and family keep getting pregnant when I have two kids right here they can have.
Bumper stickers are helpful for recognizing members of society you do not want to associate with.
I`m great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
Give a man a fish and chances are you won`t be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.
Don`t have sex man, it leads to kissing and pretty soon you will have to start talking to her..
After a night of heavy drinkin’ there’s one thing I can’t stand… and that’s up.
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
Sorry I mixed 50,000 instant pudding packets into your above ground pool
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.
These ‘energy saving` light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.