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If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside.
I would run a marathon. If the only 2 bars were 26.2 miles apart and the first one was closed.
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
If I’ve learned anything from Game of Thrones it’s that I need a wolf.
Oh, you have a brand new boyfriend? Please tell me more about how you think he`s `the one`.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you have tits. Simple as that
Marriage: where all the excitement, laughter and sex is gone but she’s still there.
I wouldn`t mind all the penis enlargement emails if they weren`t coming from my wife.
My doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock.
I don`t hate you, but I hope you fall in love and get married.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.
I’m watching this show on stalkers, still haven’t seen any of you yet.
For once I would like to see a horoscope that says, "You`re totally f*cked this month"