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A wireless bra? They weren`t tricky enough, now I need a password?
Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.
Note to Self: Next time I leave my wife a message that I`m in a threesome all afternoon, specify it`s golf.
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.
I don’t know why Tampax and Hershey have not joined forces yet. Taping a pack of Reese’s to a box of tampons could literally save lives.
You know it’s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with… “Are you sitting down?”
I know the voices ain`t really, but man, do they ever come up with some great ideas.
If anyone has any terrible ideas, I`ve historically been very open to them.
It’s a good job Apple isn’t in charge of New Year. We’d all be expecting 2015 and get 2014S instead.
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
"That girl is totally checking you out" said vodka. -Bfanch