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My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet... Oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
Wow! Sit-Downs are way easier than Sit-Ups!
I think ugly people have children just to prove to everyone they had sex.
Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.
Do these `Skinny Jeans` make my blood circulation look more than purple or less than purple?
I don`t get enough credit for not going on killing sprees.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
If I share my food with you, it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it.
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
I`m so bitchy right now ... I won`t even talk to myself!!
It`s damn funny when a wife think`s she`s punishing her husband by not talking to him for days..
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If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?