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Dang girl,, Are you a Snickers bar? Because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly long lasting,, hold up,,,, are those nuts?
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
This prefessor`s nuts. He keeps saying pie is square. I know better, pies are round, cakes are square!
John has 35 candy bars. If John eats 27 of them what does he have? .... Diabetes. John has diabetes.
its not the up`s and down`s that bring you down...its the jerks!!
To all the NSA agents reading this right now, I just want to say sorry that my life is so boring.
Unless otherwise stated, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
There’s so many people I’d love to get the silent treatment from
Why is the jolly Green giant so damn jolly
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
I`m not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy.
Relationship Tip for men: When a woman says, "Correct me if I`m wrong but...."Don`t do it!! It`s a trap!! DO NOT, I repeat, do not correct that woman!!!
If we’re not supposed to eat late, then why is there a light in the fridge?
Since everything is closed for Thanksgiving I’m going to drive around and park in all the good spots I never get.