Daily Silly Status

I hope I never have to run for my life. It wouldn’t end well.

So my friend is mad at me because I slept with her ex. Her instructions were very clear when they broke up, she said "F*ck that guy!"

I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.

Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?

One day we the women will rap the men lets see how they like it!

Sometimes I think these Kardashians are just doing stuff for the attention.

I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.

I think I bought just enough fireworks to get my neighbor to move.

The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so I can rest medicine didn´t work. I´m going to try 1 bourbon, 1 scotch and 1 beer instead.

I will be responsible for my actions when my actions become more responsible.

I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.

I`ve decided that from now on I`m going to answer every question like a presidential candidate. It`s kind of fun... "Dean, what are you doing this weekend?" "That`s a great question -- and an important one. And I WILL do something this weekend. But let me take a step back, and answer a broader question. What are we ALL doing this weekend? As a nation? As a world? This weekend, I will do something comprehensive and robust, yet fun. We all should." "But what are you doing?" "What I`m g

Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together

scientific fact: never tell a woman she`s crazy unless you want to see crazy.

When I`m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, " I hid the body, now what?"