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So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
I give 2 star movies 5 stars on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
People tend to get angry when you treat them the same way they treat you.
I drank an energy drink so if anyone needs help packing, pushing your car to a gas station or shaking the leaves off a tree
"I am upping my standards... so up yours!"
A reality show where a couple wins $10 million dollars if they show nobody a picture of their baby for the first 2 years.
Feeling so good today ... High-five the person next to you and tell them it`s from me.
Did anyone else ever wonder why the Easter Bunny gave away chocolate eggs? Last I checked, bunnies don’t lay eggs. What kind of sick new species is this?
The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there
is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.
Balloons are so weird... "happy birthday, here`s a plastic sack of my breath"
How many servings of fruit are in a fruit roll up? I`m trying to take my diet seriously now.
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...