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First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
WARNING:: going to bed on Sunday will cause Monday.
I screamed a Brazilian times during that waxing.
if you hold a dinner fork really close to your eyes, you can pretend that they`re in jail
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.
"Safely remove USB." Who does that?
When I was little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played Dad, well played.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought "that`s a fair trade."
Waitress: `Do u have any questions about the menu?` Me: `What kind of font is this?`
If I`m carrying a torch for you it`s only because I want to set you on fire.
Is it just me or does the word "retweet" bring up images of Elmer Fudd commanding an army on the defensive?
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
Would the 2 Sonic dudes just get it over with and kiss already