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It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.
CNN needs to reevaluate the use of Breaking News. Perhaps "Latest Speculative News" or "We Really Don`t Know Shit" would work. CNN call me.
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
Remember this when you are drunk: You can`t fall off the floor.
Acting like a mature adult is super easy if you hate having fun.
Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.
A date with Destiny.. Cause strippers need lovin` too.
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
I`ve never been a fan of multi-tasking or quite frankly regular tasking.
SAFETY TIP: Lock your doors and windows before bed. By the way, I love what you`ve done with the place.
The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain`t good.
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.
You ever notice “q”, “p”, “b” and “d” is the same letter but with a different angle.