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I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
When I`m home alone, every noise I hear is a serial killer
I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.
People tend to get angry when you treat them the same way they treat you.
At this point in my life the only reason I want to be rich is to hire somebody to clean my house.
How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?
Diet plan: make friends fatter
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
We all have that one friend that needs to learn how to whisper.
Warning: forgetting what pocket your keys are in may result in the Macarena.
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
Robots can do anything we set their mind to
Just saw a coyote next to the highway... I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
Technically, every picture is a before picture.