Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
Boss: You`re on another break already? Me: No. This is the same one you saw me on an hour ago.
My wife asked me if I knew her favorite flower was. Apparently "Gold Medal All Purpose" was not the correct response
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
Sometimes it’s funnier when you DON’T add “lol” at the end. lol
Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
I`m not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
My bank called because they noticed ‘highly suspicious activity’ on my charge account. It was for a gym membership.
I just blew all my party money on bills again
If it`s true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?
The hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to fart quietly again.
I threw a shotgun shell at my daughter`s date. ..then I told him it`s much faster after 11pm
New parent: I can`t believe how awesome my baby is. 10 years later: Wow, they sure do grow up fast...10 years later: Seriously, get the f*ck out of my house!!
Keep up the good work, people who make free porn available.
i just opened a fortune cookie and it started with the word unfortuneatly