Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
Remember the good old days when making the “duck face” involved 2 Pringles?
The Shining is my favorite movie about what can happen when you spend too much time with family.
I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a "safe & fun work environment"
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
Saw a hobo sleeping on a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. Must be his alarm system.
Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.
Sir, your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
Stages of Drunk: 1. Wow. I can dance. 2. All hats look GOOD on me. 3. Shhh. Don`t wake up the cows.
Day six of my push-up challenge. So far, I`ve eaten 107 push-up pops.
I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.
So the Boy Scouts are going to let girls join. Teenage boys and girls camping in the woods together. What could possibly go wrong?
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.
Insanity workout? The fact I am even considering putting down my phone and getting off the couch is crazy enough, thanks.