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I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.
I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
Instead of exes, they should be called whys.
It doesn`t matter how old you are, If you hear the ice cream truck jingle you jump out the window for that sh!t.
Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
My new year`s resolution is to stop making new year`s resolutions.
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been canceled. In other news, my faith in humanity has been restored.
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it’s AM. Google thinks I’ve got my life together.
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don`t want to look at you.
Was that lightning? ... No, they`re taking pictures for Google Earth.
My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/
I want to live in a world where it’s never too late for breakfast food and never too early for pizza.