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I`m not impatient. You`re just slow.
I was just awarded the first place trophy for laziness. All I need now is for someone to accept it on my behalf.
that awkward moment when your pulling the covers up and hit yourself in the damn face !!!
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
I`ve always pictured myself taking selfies.
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
This donut scented car freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
If someone says “you’re funny” instead of laughing, you’re not.
I really hate it when I have to watch the same channel for 2 days because the remote fell behind the couch.
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
No man has ever won a game of `notice anything different about me?`
I lost my ladder when I was very young but I was fortunate to have such a great step-ladder to raise me ...anytime I couldn`t reach anything
I can always tell when I`m drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards
Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.