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If someday we all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, I just hope they split us up by genre.
I wish my GPA looked like the gas prices right now...
A good office manager never let`s you run out of ink, paper or vodka
I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi
I just don’t want to look back and think “I could’ve eaten that.”
I totally love and fully respect that you`re a little bit slutty
I hope to get to the point in my life where I`m not excited about finding change on the ground.
Is everything expensive or am I just poor?
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a video camera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
I go out all day looking good and saw no one I know. I go out for 5 minutes looking like sh!t and it`s all of the sudden a f*cking reunion.
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.
This girl is ignoring me like a check engine light.
I don`t want to brag, but I`m single-handedly responsible for 86% of the rules in the Employee Handbook at work.
I just want to be rich enough to tell my boss, "you`re not the boss of me"!