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Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
Sometimes I feel bad about the things I say and do, but today is not one of those days.
What number SPF blocks people?
So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs,” what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
I drink one glass of red wine a day for my health. The rest of the bottle is because I like being drunk.
Apparently Home Depot`s slogan of "You can do it; We can help" doesn`t apply to masturbation.
I didn`t see anyone important yesterday, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes today.
I keep having this recurring nightmare that lasts 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
#1738 "The fact that people use the wrong "your" and "there" yet spell "Bieber" correctly bothers me."-dd
Q.Teacher: why do we drink water? A. Learner : Because we cant eat it!
The one who laughs last is the slowest. The one who laughs first has the dirtiest mind.
Things I`m confused by: how did Rub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub become a nursery rhyme?
When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m going to blast Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, while the zombies chase us, just to lighten the mood.