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I took a sexual harassment course yesterday...I think I`m going to be pretty good at it.
I’d be more motivated to work out if the stationary bikes had a little basket to hold my snacks and beer.
"You know what, we need a huge spoon to take care of this" -Guy who invented shovels
There’s a limit of how close you should be to another man when taking a selfie.
Im at a beer tasting today..so far they all taste the same out of this case...well done Budweiser...well done!!
Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming.
This rough sex would have been a lot better if I wasn`t alone.
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to Bounce of 3 walls, Knock over a lamp and kill a cat.
White girls be like: I`ll have one triple mocha dark chocolate ugg boot raspberry white iphone 5 double caramel infinity sign frappe please.
I stamp my hand on Saturday morning so it looks like I went out on Friday night.
The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed.
Why do they call a grapefruit a grapefruit? I mean there is already a fruit called a grape!!
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
I`m not opposed to manscaping, but I don`t see the point of cutting the grass until somebody takes interest in the property.