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“I don’t watch tv” proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington`s decision when he reached the Delaware.
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
The sole purpose of a child`s middle name, is so he can tell when he`s really in trouble.
The officer said, "you drinking?" I said, "you buying?" then we both laughed and laughed... And now I need bail money.
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail…
Tattoos are an expensive and a painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification
If I can see you, you`re invading my personal space.
Adding "and sh!t" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.
You’ll never be as young as you are now.
Don`t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.
I really wish Wal-Mart had a 10 teeth or more line...
Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.