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It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.
If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn`t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat...
I really thought 2015 had potential to be “my year” but we’re 2 months in and that ship has sailed so I’ll try again for 2016.
Engineers: "okay, so we agree the space between the seat and the console will allow people to see what they dropped but never retrieve it"
People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
More people should be at a loss for words.
I hate when I accidentally eat everything in sight.
Thanks to Netflix I can tell my doctor I`ve done a lot of "marathons"
I want to sleep tighter
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels? - Bfanch
I bought 2 fish and named one, “one” and the other “two”, so when “one” dies I will still have “two”.
My wife is driving me to drink. I hope she remembers to pick me up when I’m done.