Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have booze and snacks in your purse.
If I was rich, I`d do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
Watching a funny movie after watching a scary one too try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
Instead of calling it the John, I call my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
I was in a bar when a girl called me a cheapskate. So I threw her drink in her face.
If cockroaches can survive atomic bombs and chemical warfare, what the f*ck is in a can of Raid?
"Wow, you look good today!” is not a compliment if it comes with a genuinely surprised look.
I’m not so much goofing off as impersonating upper management.
Just when I think my confidence couldn`t be shakier, some shitty website tells me I have a "Weak Password"
First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes not making any decisions and feeling guilty about asking for blowjobs.
I just took the "What Kind of Asshole are You?" quiz and got "The kind that posts my results on Facebook".
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
If you enjoy being the 10,000th person to put your thumb into a hole, then bowling is for you.