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Why do I get the feeling that a lot of you are using Facebook as a substitution for prescription meds?
apparently telling my girlfriend her acuracy is as high as a magic 8 ball wasn`t a good idea.
I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to them.
Everytime I find the key to happiness, somebody changes the lock.
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you`re good with grammar you`ll get it.
A Slinky is a great way to teach young children that it`s fun to push things down the stairs.
Save water- shower with me!
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
Hell, I finally figured out what was wrong with me ... I have been reading the wrong horoscope!!
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
I hate waiting until I`m dead. I want to haunt people now dammit.
Life gave me onions ... Onionade sucks.
"Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who`s pointing out a constellation