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liquor stores should sell Shamwows.. I bet they would conquer any challenge alcohol can conjure up. spills.. puke.. all kinds of messes.
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advise.
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
I`m all for change as long as it doesn`t directly affect my routine.
Tip for Sunday Church: Don`t forget to keep your phones on silent, especially if your ringtone is `I like big butts and I do not lie!`
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth … and drink all the vodka inside … It seems to help
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
2013 is the first year since 1987 to have 4 different numbers… carry on.
Good morning friends … Wait … what the hell m I doing up this early?
I’m not in denial, I’m just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)
Remembering to remember is always the first thing I forget.
Several years ago Facebook came in to our lives forever changing our ability to judge each other from our couches.
I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon. And I was raised better than that.