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I miss being able to use the excuse "I wasn`t home when you called."
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of the plane...
sorry but your password must contain an "uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin"
Well, if anything, the Mayans did teach us one valuable lesson. If you don`t finish something...it`s really not the end of the world.
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the internet.
I want to be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.
You don’t realize how many people you hate until you have to name a baby or a dog...
Show me, on this cat calendar, how long it`s been since you`ve had a date?
The thing I miss most about being young is knowing everything.
Today is a great day. The mailman just delivered me an Iron Maiden cassette, which finally fulfills my Columbia House commitment.
I don`t know about you....but I have thought about running away from home way more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.
Donuts: An excuse to eat cake for breakfast.
I thought `Pokemon` was a Jamaican Porn... My bad...
All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.