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I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
If no one from the future comes back to stop you, is it really that bad of an idea?
The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single f*cking one of them
Hey ladies, you know that feeling you get when you roll over & realize you made a horrible mistake? I could give that to you every day.
“I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
That feeling you get when you meet someone named dick....
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
Taken names of employees from various stores and calling in sick for them, just to make it feel like I have a job. . .
If you have time to update your status as "very busy", then you obviously exaggerated.
Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people.
I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a chickens butt and think...`That looks tasty, I`m gonna eat that.`