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I feel bad for kids nowadays who can`t get the toys they want because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.
The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
A wireless bra? They weren`t tricky enough, now I need a password?
DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you`re too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they`ve probably had diarrhea at some point
Awkward moment when you don’t know if you were offered gum out of generosity or if your breath stinks.
I said I was good at making decisions. I didn`t say the decisions I made were good.
The worst part about being alone is I don`t have anyone to get me a beer from the fridge.
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn’t even be nominated.
All true wisdom is found on T-Shirts.
I fear the day when our kids would look at old you tube videos of us doing the Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style and think what a retarded generation ours was.
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
when in Rome get naked ;)
Here`s a crazy trick to avoid looking fat in pictures: Lose weight.