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All women are bad for me. At least that`s what my wife says.
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
I’m late for a disappointment.
Calling someone a drama queen is so negative. Why not "content creator"?
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
I dated this musician who used to play songs for me over the phone. Then I realized he was just putting me on hold.
A small child called 911 upon seeing a zebra because he thought a horse escaped from jail
Growing up we were so poor. If I wasn`t a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
My wife asked me to load the dishwasher. So I poured her some shots and told her to start drinking. And that`s how the fight started.
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.
I think Facebook now comes under the housework category.