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Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good!
A comprehensive list of the things women have taught me: 1) I`m wrong.
Just once I’d like to see someone dropkick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
Sex, drugs, and candy crush all have one thing in common. It’s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
The true definition of safe sex is having a padded headboard.
I was standing in front of the mirror earlier, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
According to WebMD, people are Sick & Tired of me
There is only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water lying about being milk.
Shot my first turkey today...scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome!
The one thing you can always count on is your fingers.
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!