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The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
It`s like my kids don`t even believe how cool I was in the 80s.
Do you know how many poisonous apples I`d have to give out before I was considered to be the fairest in the land?
I`m really easy to get along with, once people learn to worship me.
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
I`m concerned my kids will end up in therapy because I didn`t tell everyone on FB how much I love them.
You can run from your problems. Unless your problem is a cheetah.
You know it`s time to get a girlfriend when you masturbate in different positions
I hate it when people like their own statuses * At this point you like your status for dramatic effect*
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
It`s fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car`s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up
No one your age has any idea what they`re doing either. No matter what age you are.
Balloons are so weird... "happy birthday, here`s a plastic sack of my breath"
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
Pee your name in the snow and you`ll quickly understand why they should teach cursive in our schools.