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You health nuts are gonna feel real stupid when you`re laying in the hospital dying of nothing.
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
The only time my wife will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
Its O.K. to laugh during sex … just don’t point ! ... trust me
Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
When I was your age, we drank water straight out of the sink.
The problem with diets is pizza.
I guess “Trying to be” isn’t really the answer the doctor was looking for when he asked if I was sexually active.
when humans are in love they get butterflys...dose that mean when butterflys are in love they get humans!! :)
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
The general rule is that you shouldn`t ride an elevator during a fire, but I mean, talk about a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
The point is... Is Imma hug you like a panda nd you`re gunna like it.!(:
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them