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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
My personal fast food philosophy: If nobody knows you went to McDonald`s, you didn`t really go to McDonalds.
You bring everyone a lot of joy ... when you leave the room.
“Oh boy, I can’t wait to be productive today.” – said no one ever
That awkward moment when you’re laughing so hard, you accidentally hit your head on something..
Every Instagram caption should just be, "ARE YOU JEALOUS OF MY LIFE YET??"
Sometimes I feel like a loser for spending so much time on Facebook. Then I remember there are people out there who comment on pornhub videos
The most effective way to torture young people is to make them watch old people use a computer.
What’s a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought, "Wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes.
It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.
First thing I do when I realize I’m lost…turn the radio down.
Well another funny thing about this status is, by the time your done reading this, you realize it talks about absolutely nothing and you just wasted your time. Welcome to Facebook.
Safety Tip: lock your doors and windows before bed. Btw, I love what you`ve done with the place.
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)