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Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!
A wireless bra? They weren`t tricky enough, now I need a password?
Why isn`t a menu board at a coffee house called JavaScript?
*accidentally answers phone call* ... *pretends to be answering machine*
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
I believe in equality. If we have a 5 day week of work, we should have 5 day weekends as well dammit.
I like going into McDonald`s and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.
Without coffee, Iām just a really tall 2 year old.
Several decisions I make on a daily basis hinge upon the question "illegal or just frowned upon?"
I have learned from watching crime dramas on tv when the good guys yell "Federal Agents" at the bad guys, the bad guy always runs. Wouldn`t it be smarter to yell "Prize Patrol" if you really want to catch a bad guy?
If it wasn`t for claustrophobia, lack of intelligence, and my intense fear of floating poop, I would`ve made a great astronaut.
Netflix basically has every movie, except for the ones I actually want to watch.