Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better. Well…for me anyway.
People say circumcision dosen`t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn`t walk for nearly a year.
I just dusted and mopped the house like 3 months ago and it’s dirty again. This is bullsh!t.
Meetings are 20% small talk, 5% what the meeting is about and 75% wasting everyone’s time.
My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.
woman belong in the kitchen? thats where the knives are you fool.
I’m sad when my food is over.
Dear future husband, here’s a few things you need to know If you want to be my one and only all my life. I will not be an ex wife .. only a widow
Internet went down so I had to spend time with my family. They seem like good people.
Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children’s bicycle, you’re probably in a bad neighborhood.
I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you cant have anymore food and im just never ready for that kind of commitment
I love the smell of a liquor store in the morning!
Can I just drop it like it’s luke warm? It’s been a long day and I’m tired.
Instead of LOL, try SALTS ( smiled a little, then stopped)
Why do we call it the Sun instead of a space heater?