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Taco Bell is donating burritos to feed firefighters in Colorado. Talk about putting gas on the fire,
Thank you for informing me that you have a stick figure family of 6 and a dog. Your minivan had me under the impression that you were wild and single.
Trust me when I say anyone can dance! - Jack Daniels
It’s not really drinking alone if the dog is home ... right?
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
All I want is some ketchup packets placed in the bag, without having to ask!
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
When plastic bags become currency, I will be king.
Never scratch your a$$ with chocolate on your fingers.
If you don`t take 500 selfies a day, do you even love yourself?
I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed, not my fault they dont have windows ...
So it turns out being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
can´t find Sesame Street on my GPS. Can you tell me how to get there?
Not to brag, but, I`ve already consumed 174% of my daily fat requirement.
You think you have a tough job? I clean the windows on automatic doors.