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Somewhere someone`s therapist knows you.
there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
I smoked weed once and realized spoons are just little bowls on sticks
Guys, want to find out all of your flaws in under a minute? Just ask your girlfriend if she`s gained weight.
Life Tip: Tell your guests your house was just broken into and fake cry, they will clean it for free!
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
I`ve always pictured myself taking selfies.
I bet everyone in Gotham prisons really hates the guy that killed Bruce Wayne`s parents.
Somebody tell me how "Rub a dub dub, 3 men in a tub" became a nursery rhyme?
Hillybilly Word Of The Day.."Twerk"..."Welp, I`m done with lunch so I`d better get back twerk!"
Tonight I’m going to have my favorite drink. It’s called “a lot.”
Every conversation should come with a snooze button. That way if you`re being too boring, I can push a button and keep you from talking for the next 10 minutes.
Trying to remain humble but I’m the most famous person in my living room right now.
Mattel is launching a new Facebook Barbie. She looks like a stunning hot blonde on the package but is an old fat guy when you open the box.