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If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday - it`s because they`ve just killed someone right?
My life`s paradox: I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
At least clean up the bathroom before taking your profile picture.
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
There`s no life problem that a good "F*ck this shit" can`t solve.
"Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realised I`d been invited to an autopsy.
What if 11:11 actually works but there`s one person in this world that`s wishing for everyone`s wishes to not come true?
Can only please one person a day. Today isn’t your day
tonights theme: grab somebody sexy tell them hey, give me everything tonight!
Seth Rogen and James Franco having their movie pulled due to terrorist threats sounds like the plot of a Seth Rogen and James Franco movie.
why would anyone want a baby? It`s just another thing you have to clean
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.
Remember, life isn`t about accumulating stuff. It`s about making people insanely jealous of your stuff.