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A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.
Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?
DAMN! I`m so drunk that I cooked a pizza for 450 minutes at 15 degrees.
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
I imagine a world where whining on Facebook is illegal.
Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
Life is like a box of chocolates. Get your own and stay the hell out of mine.
What if I am sexy and I don`t know it?
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
Pretending to be nice is exhausting...
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
I think instead of doing laundry I`m just going to buy a second hamper...
Well I made it through the day without beating anyone with a chair. I`d say my people skills are improving.
The difference between a straight girl and a lesbian is about four or five drinks.
You shouldn`t be allowed to wear animal print if you are bigger than said animal.