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I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
After visiting the gov`t healthcare site, I don`t know why I was so worried about their ability to spy on me...
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
What about a To-Don`t List?
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
There was a spider in my bathtub so I got a tissue and very carefully burned the house down.
Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.
Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)
When someone says “You just made my day,” it makes my day.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!
Then there was the ex-cop who started his own landscaping business. He called it Lawn Order.
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
My number was 0...
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?