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I don`t care how smart your phone is, it`s not going to change how stupid you are.
No one has ever said, "You know what would make this even better? ... Turkey bacon."
If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Now that football season is here, if anyone`s favorite team loses, they can just blame it on Trump.
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
99% of people in this world are stupid. Luckily I`m part of the other 5%.
My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.
There are 3 reasons for ”Liking” someone’s Facebook status: 1. I agree. 2. I realise this is about me, so I’m liking it to rub it in your face. 3. I want to bang you.
So....if the cup is only half full....I suggest buying a smaller bra
if you were 2 times as smart as you are now ... you would still be stupid
Did you know that DNA actually stands for "National Dislectic Association"
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
I was the kid my parents warned me about.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules.