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Just woke up next to my bed. Not sure if I fell out or didn`t quite make it in.
At my age I can no longer function without my glasses. Especially when they`re empty.
If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex wife to be with me. That would be the longest 3 months of my life.
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
You really can`t say your laundry is done unless you are completely naked
sex is like a joke, some get it some don`t.....
If Crunch Berries aren`t considered fresh fruit I don`t think this diet is going to work out.
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?
Apparently, saying “Wow, you’ve grown since I last saw you” isn’t deemed socially acceptable when said to adults.
Today is boozeday, I mean Tuesday...same difference!
“Nothing is impossible.” I disagree. I’m doing nothing right now… it’s totally possible.
You can tell how much a woman hates her husband by how short she cuts her hair.
The other night, I posted on Facebook I was going to sleep shirtless. The next day I logged on and saw 7 mosquitoes "like" this.
Wow comma I just realized if I tap the microphone on my keyboard I don`t have to type out my statuses anymore exclamation point