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Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
Personally, I believe that around 93% of the world`s population should run with scissors.
The universe contains protons,neutrons,electrons and morons.
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
Ahhhh, bad credit…the best identity theft protection.
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no money in there.
Pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law
Cats have been named the #1 pet held hostage by lonely women.
Honestly, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie in the apocalypse is all the walking.
Guys if you ever want to imagine what a woman’s mind feels like imagine a browser with 2,859 tabs open. All. The. F*cking. Time.
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
Life is like “Facebook” – People will like your problems & comment; But no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
I wonder if my neighbors are more tired of hearing my dog bark or me screaming at it to shut the f*ck up.