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The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
It doesn`t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full. There`s clearly room for more Alcohol
There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
One man`s trash is another man`s profile picture.
Whoever figured out that you can make cake in a mug in under a minute was probably really going through some sh!t.
CAMPING TIP: If you get lost in the woods, a compass can help you get lost more North.
If life gives you lemons make grape juice than lay back and watch people wondering how you did it;)
Am I the only one that always puts my wallet back into my pocket before getting my change back?
Wait, there`s a "wrong hole"?
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
I try to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
It`s not my official job but basically all I do is piss people off.
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
I need something that`s more than coffee but less than cocaine.