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I just had a conversation with my-self...but it just turned into an argument. I think it`s that time of the month...
I`m pretty sure my guardian angel just sits there watching me suffer, while rolling her eyes and painting her nails.
We live in the era of smartphones & stupid people
I swear that logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
Before I die I`m going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
Nothing shall separate me from the love of beer...
Guys you should never overreact when you hear the words, " The babysitter is late."
Here’s the thing about work: I really don’t feel like doing any.
I`ve been calling my wife "honey" for 12 years because I don`t know how to tell her I forgot her name.
Falling in love when lonely is a lot like shopping when hungry, you end up with a bunch of sh!t you don`t need.
Relationship status: running out of films on Netflix.
True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn.
You know you drank too much last night when you have to use google maps to locate yourself the next morning.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."