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I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
You’re the reason I wake up everyday... Just kidding I have a job!!
My favorite part of Summer is the booze. Coincidentally, that`s my favorite part of the other 3 seasons, too.
Video games don`t encourage violence nearly as much as piñatas do.
I was sitting in traffic the other day. That’s probably why I got run over.
What idiot named them nostrils instead of scent vents?
If you were a Pokemon, I`d choose you.
Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
Is it just me or does the word "retweet" bring up images of Elmer Fudd commanding an army on the defensive?
Hooters does have hot girls, but the Subway girls are the real wife material.
I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion.
Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers. "Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?" SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!!
Guys, freedom of speech doesn`t mean you can spell things any way you want to.
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.