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The Hulk just texted me a picture of a zucchini, I think?
Only in America: We have a holiday devoted to gratitude & then less than 12 hrs later beat the sh!t out of each other for a $10 crockpot.
Aren`t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...The birth of Santa
I`m lost, no wait..... Yep, lost for sure
Anyone says their wedding day was the best day of their lives has obviously never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine
Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz.
What`s worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass?
Don’t judge someone because they sin differently than you.
All the advantages right-handed people have are cancelled out when we have to do our banking at the drive-up ATM left-handed.
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
What a lovely winter we`re having this spring.
The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
Office Tip: In a pinch a booger and a small piece of copy paper is as good as a post it note.