Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

A birth control pill a day keeps the mini-van away.
Son: "Dad, can you write in the dark?" Dad: "Uh, I think so, why?" Son: "I need you to sign my report card."
What`s the lowest IQ someone can have while still being a relatively full functioning adult? My wife wants to know.
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
There`s no time like the present to make a positive change in your life ... or to take a nice nap
I can tell you nice things but they`ll all be about me.
I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
Mo’ money, mo’ problems. This explains why I don’t have problems.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
Statistically, I`ve come to the conclusion that I`m going to hell in multiple religions.
It may appear like I`m doing nothing, but i`m actively waiting for my problems to go away!!!
Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.
I saw this homeless guy talking to himself and I was like, "Who is he talking to?" then I thought "Who am I talking to?"
The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.
Hey Pringles, it`s time to widen the can. Your core demographic isn`t exactly thin-wristed.