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Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was a big white bear with no sexual preference.
Coffee keeps me busy until it`s time to be drunk.
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
Spent $50 on E-bay to enlarge my happy place. The creep sent me a magnifying glass.
The list of things I won’t eat if covered in chocolate gets smaller everyday.
Today I am thankful that I don`t post what I am thankful for on Facebook, every day in November. Or ever.
Relationship status: Are you gonna eat that?
Her dad said he`d like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
I thought `Pokemon` was a Jamaican Porn... My bad...
You know there was a time in my life where I just didn`t give a f#ck.....funny how it seems that much hasn`t changed from an hour ago!!
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.
I dont mind going to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is bullsh*t
To whoever said “fight fire with fire”: do you actually test your own advice before giving it?