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finally got my certification in the mail, I`m officially insane.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I really should learn to say "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"
Must be lonely over there on "I`m offended by jokes" island.
Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle
Sometimes, just to annoy my Therapist, I’ll ask him; “so how does my lack of progress make you feel?”
I don`t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their facebook status to "single." I fight with my parents but you don`t see me change my status to "orphan."
Just saw a commercial for weight gainer pills. Have the people with this "problem" not heard of pizza and alcohol?
If a woman tells you that you’re right, that’s called sarcasm.
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
You can lead a horse to water but I`d rather ride it to the liquor store.
"This is groundbreaking stuff." - Inventor of the shovel
There damn well better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober!
Saw a wasp in a spider web and I don`t know who to root for.