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Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners.
One time I snuck a whole rotisserie chicken into a movie, cause candy is for amateurs.
No, I’m not funny. I’m just really mean and everyone thinks I’m joking.
Some mornings I feel like leaving my coffee until its cold enough that I can just pour it directly into my eyes.
When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
Marriage counseling - because sometimes your spouse needs to hear from a professional that they are being an a$$
Global warming is now thought to be a leading cause of documentaries.
I`m just looking for a reason not to drink
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
Johnny : Pull my finger Tommy : No Johnny: "Come Bro Do IT!!" Tommy : fine ... Johnny : *SNEEZE IN THE FACE*
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
If you had to choose between your significant other and a million dollars, what`s the first thing you`d buy?
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome.
You´d be amazed how often I´m wrong when people say guess what