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My hair only looks good on days when no one important sees it.
I’m sorry I’m late. I saw a drawing of the sun wearing sunglasses and spent 4 hours wondering what the f**k he was protecting his eyes from.
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
Detroit and Chicago seem to be getting it right as of late. Limit all politicians to two terms. One in elected Office and one in prison.
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
Gray hair is the human body`s equivalent of low toner.
My internet went down last week...so I talked to my family....thank goodness the internet came back
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
Just saw 2 homeless guys hitting eachother with cardboard... PILLOW FIGHT!
Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
My roommate is going on a date tonight.. He said he`s convinced she IS coming home with him.. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters.. Now we wait..
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.