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You call the shots. I`ll drink them.
I`m an organ donor, but I`m pretty sure all they`re going to use my liver for is "after" photos.
Attention burglars: We may or may not be home. Or maybe we are hunters, waiting for you to get closer for a kill shot
In relationships, it’s important to pay attention to the person’s likes and dislikes. My parole officer, for example, hates to be tickled.
They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love, after marriage, it is self-defense.
I’m like a kid in a candy store. I can’t afford anything.
As i walk thru the valley of the shadow of death i was like what da f**k am i doin here
I`m a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
is it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson´s by 2011?
Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
Cheer Up. Right now, somebody, somewhere, is thinking about you naked.
Sometimes you just have to logout...
Do you women realize how silly you all look with your clothes on?
To be clever can be difficult without caffiene.