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Bad Morning: As I sit on the throne remembering I used all the toilet paper last night for Halloween pranks.
It would take a pretty stupid robot to replace me.
I slept on my neck funny and today I will be turning my whole body like Batman every time I have to look at something.
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an I-pad
Choosing A Career Is Like Chosing A Wife From 10 Girls. Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful, Intelligent, Kindest Woman, There`s Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9
Save water. Shower with me. ;)
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
Hey, guy from the gym with lifting gloves still on, you can take them off now, you`re in Starbucks.
Say what you want about the porn industry. But they are hard workers.
Relationship status: Private. The only way for it to be.
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
I told you a million times do not exaggerate!
Sometimes you run into people who just make your day more bearable. Those people are called bartenders.
Are you bored? Go to someone`s Facebook wall, Scroll down 4 months and like something.
Is there really a need for constipation medicines and stool softeners in a world where burritos and tacos exist?