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Meditation never worked for me, so I tried something even better..."Beditation"! You lay down close your eyes and you wake up an hour and a half later!
Do you ever watch a movie and realize you have to watch it again because you were on your phone the whole time?
That annoying feeling when you finally downloaded the movie you wanted to watch and BOOM!... It`s in French. #F**kYouFrance
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
If you haven`t used your fingers to "expand" a picture in a Magazine today, well then you`re not me.
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
If people in horror movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
If the zombie apocalypse happened in Vegas…would it “stay in Vegas”?
Good news: I learned how to build a fire. Bad news: I need a new toaster oven.
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.
Sorry I shouted "MORTAL KOMBAT!" when you started arguing with your husband at the grocery store